Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
