listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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