Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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