My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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