Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
