I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
