when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
