i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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