I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
