So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I love having hate sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I stole a fireplace last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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