I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
