god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
