You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
