I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
