I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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