I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
