Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
