dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
