is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
