Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
