Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
