im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
