Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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