She said her name was "party"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
