I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He passed out mid-signature
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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