My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
