I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
