After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
