I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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