Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
