girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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