i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
