found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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