Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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