Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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