I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
where does the pee come out of this thing
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
