your thong is hanging out like whoa
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
