really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
