I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
