I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
