You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
