Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
