That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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