i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
