Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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