I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i will never coherently bang her
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
