so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
