Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
