I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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