My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
