my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
