He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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